Identifiers? Barometers? A stranglehold? What purpose do labels serve exactly? Why is it that most people are obsessed or particular about labels? 'GF', 'husband', 'wife', 'date', 'fling', 'friend'...Is it for security? Or perhaps, liberty; liberty to be able to indulge without fear...and conversely, could it be for protection; used in order to firmly "draw the line"? But does it also not restrict the possibilities? It does seem to typecast the relationship and force it to behave a certain way...a way that might sometimes be out of character. Does it not apply pressure on the relationship? Do labels really protect relationships from disintegration? Or are we just too afraid of a label-less relationship?
Shouldn't bonds between individuals be independent of labels? Or is it that we want to predetermine the behaviors of the many labels that one wishes in life and then find people to slot them into each? There might be certain merits to it too but what is the trade off? Are we losing more than we stand to gain?
What about children? They know not about labels. Do they not feel a need for security, protection, etc? How do they get by without labels? When a child calls out "maa", is s/he really looking for a "mother" or is it looking for that particular unique person who makes him/er feel secure? Do they not feel all the emotions we do? I wonder how they feel when they are in "love" how unadulterated! They "feel" at the lowest most basic level. Perhaps they not know what might hurt them, yet would they feel more alive and free? Why can't we be like that??
(p.s. i wish i could find this couple and give them this snap...fortuitously, i happened to be sitting behind them a few yards, and my telephoto was able to freeze a beautiful moment!)
9 comments:
Too many question...not many answers. Perhaps the purpose of the post was to ask questions. Keep us posted if you find these answers. Most of the questions are a universal anguish. But I will take liberty to comment on the issues presented.
Firstly, I beleive labels solve one and only one purpose, .... digestibility. Labels ease the process of digesting a relationship, friedship, fling(I know I myself am labelling ....aah the irony). But then why else would one require labelling?
We (at least most humans of our generation)are conditioned to think of an associiation in a predefined set of rules. Unless it is nor qualified by a compressensible set of rules, it becomes intimidating to us. Hence, we choose to label these associations. It should be noted that these labels might be either socials convention or our own nomencalature(it is more pathetic when it is our own).
Anyways, if you wanna live free, I mean truely free, Ignore the labels.... Live fearlessly without the safety-net of a label. Only without these restraints/ safety-nets will you be able to find unadultraded truth(bitter or sweet).
While labels many a times might tend to stereotype a particular relationship, they aren't always a loss. Many a times a label forces one to take responsibility for one's actions and become accountable to another. It is not necessarily a bad thing. When u are in a relationship with someone else, there are 2 people involved. Many a people forget that. While the label might not necessarily force u to think before u act, it might just give u that little extra nudge to do so. I think the answer to the question is highly subjective. A label-less relationship is fine as long as both parties are aware of and accept the fact that it may end any time without and liability. In the real world that will rarely work. Relationships tend to grow and its important to label them (at the optimal time) to be certain that you and your partner know where u stand. By label I ofcourse do not mean publicly label ... that ofcourse is totally unnecessary. But as long as the people involved know where they stand and understand their responsibility towards each other that is good enough. Implicit label I would call it.
And just for the record I completely disagree with Pranay :-). I strongly believe that a world with labels, definitions, ACCOUNTABILITY and a bendable set of rules is more interesting than a totally free chaotic world. Anyway the latter will never exist cuz as long as u are in contact with another soul, there is an impedance forced upon u and u can fight it only to a certain level. You do not need to live without restraint to find truth. All u need to do is question every norm and label and decide for yourself whether it is made for you or not. I know a lot of people do not have this freedom and liberty to choose. The freedom to choose labels is important but absolute and complete freedom without accountability is chaos.
i see a war ensuing!
but good points and POV! i gess that was the point of this post :)
Uhh labels exist because they make communication possible. How would you like to say "the small green coloured fruit with touch skin and sweet-sour taste" instead of "grapes" every time you had to mention 'em?
And so it is that every time you introduce your gf/wife to someone, the word itself communicates a lot of things to the other person starting with this is a person I like/love so give her the same respect you'd give me and ending with "don't start dissecting my previous relationship in front of her".
A label is nothing more than that on it's own. You can make more or less of it though. Some people use labels for security, ignoring in the process the relationship below. Labels don't limit relationships, how you perceive labels limits relationships. When you marry a woman you love and her label goes from girlfriend to wife, whether you don't automatically start treating her less affectionately and more "matter of course"ly because of that, it's a conscious or unconscious decision you are making. Sure the notion that this process is automatic is popular, but it is far from a fact.
So bonds between individuals can involve labels and still be independent of them. Your wife can also be your best friend.
s/touch/thin/g
s/below/underneath/g
s/whether / /g
"what’s in a name"
Labels are a way to provide a meaning to our actions and live in an illusion that we are just like everyone around us. A desperate act of survival and mental peace and of course “control”.
What’s the point of a label when the feeling for that "label" is non existent?
Agree with venky and pranay and completely disagree with anshul.
But who am i to questions once beliefs !! :)
VJ - can u clarify what u mean by "What’s the point of a label when the feeling for that "label" is non existent?"
Not sure I understand what u mean. I'd like to know how one would identify anything without an identifier. Without an identifier would you not be completely and totally helpless (just like Venky described the innocent young new born baby)! If you believe otherwise I would like to know how a person would survive without labels. We are talking real world here not fantasy world.
Again let me make it clear that I am not talking about making labels public. That is not necessary. But how does anything work without atleast an implicit label in the mind. I like what Aarjav said "Labels don't limit relationships, how you perceive labels limits relationships."
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